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Joke

"I went snowboarding today. Actually, I went careening off a mountain on a giant tongue depressor." - Paul Provenza

Joke

"My friend would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug." - Steven Wright

Joke

"Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines." - David Letterman

Joke

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." - Woody Allen

Joke

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." - Johnny Carson

Joke

"My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror." - Rodney Dangerfield

Joke

"The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just cooked." - Andy Rooney

Joke

"I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem. I don't know who to thank." - Rodney Dangerfield

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